Catching up....

I am alive and functioning, though I feel like the months are flowing by. Wasn't it just yesterday that Sean and I took a trip to NY to see his parents, ending with him having the flu through Christmas? Oh yeah, that was 2 1/2 months ago!! Yikes!

I feel like I want to do more with my life. Yep, I've hit semi-midlife crisis. I've wondered if I'm always going to live in Virginia. I've wondered if I will always be at my current job. I've wondered if I will be in the same routine that I always am. I hope not. I do cling to things that are familiar...
- familiar town (one town over from where I've lived my whole life)
- familiar friends (same bffs since 1980s!)
- familiar movies (I still own and will watch "Scamper the Penguin" and "Thumbelina" much to my husband's dismay haha)
- favorite foods (my friends and husband both know my limits are usually Chinese food, Italian, and American)

I. Don't. Want. That!

So for the last several months, maybe a year, I've been pushing myself to go outside my shell.

I've watched more movies - some by Sean's recommendations, some by friends, some that I just normally wouldn't see myself. One that I can think of in particular is "Howl's Moving Castle" - definitely still in the kids' area, but lots of twists and turns that I had to watch and rewatch to understand.

Sean and I have talked a LOT about moving. Most of my family is north, as is his. We settled here because jobs were available here and we had a small group of friends. Jobs are still here and friendships have BLOOMED this past year, so when we talk about going somewhere, we usually try to wiggle it as bait in front of our friends so we wouldn't have to go alone, haha ;)

I have actually branched out and tried (and LOVED) many new kinds of foods. Still sticking with Chinese in a pinch, but I have tried Indian cuisine, Pho (Vietnamese), Thai, Korean (bbq, YUM!), and possibly another few here or there. I actually can't believe it, but the foods have been delicious. I'm still steering pretty clear of any seafood that isn't shrimp or tuna, but it's still DIFFERENT!

And now looking on all this, I've been trying to make my spiritual life different. I haven't been as diligent about reading God's word as I'd love to be. I haven't nourished myself spiritually on my own in a very long time. Sure I'm part of a great Christ-filled fellowship of prayer, encouragement, the Holy Spirit, and lots more, but when I go home, I don't want it to end. I don't want to have to go to church to feel that rush, that love, that embrace of God's love.

So I've started reading my Bible a bit. Bit by bit. Not going for 40 days straight or anything, just as I can, push myself to read a chapter or 2. I think that when I make it a chore, something to be marked off my list for the day, I don't reap any benefits. I can listen to the Bible in the car on the way to work, but if I'm not really listening, if I don't stop it now and then to take notes, then what good is it really doing in my life? The Word of GOD is to edify us, not to fill noise. So it's been a slow process of reading:)

I'm also reading another Francis Chan book. Never heard of him? Me neither, but I saw 2 of his ebooks for free one day and downloaded them to the Kindle app in my phone. Less than a week later...maybe 3 days?..one of my best friends was talking about him and one of the books I had downloaded, Crazy Love. Coincidence? I think not! We semi-promised to read them together and discuss them, but the discussion has yet to happen:) But I did sit through it and read it. And reread parts. And highlight parts. Holy COW does God love us or what?! It was just a revelation after revelation as the pages turned. I'm still not sure what I'm entirely to do with that information, but I do want to read through it again and just feel the urge to love on people like God does!

Another book by Francis Chan is Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit. What a mouthful - I call it Forgotten God. Anyway, I was searching through my Kindle books a few weeks back looking for something that I could read during any devotional time I got. I love books, so I figured I could read this as well as my Bible and just drown myself in spiritual info...that actually sounds pretty awesome, huh? I found Forgotten God in my queue and started reading it. Guys, I actually read the intro, and if you know me, I usually try to cut out as much as I can to get to the meat of the book. This was huge! I've only read a chapter or so, but it is just FILLED with ways that I can continue my spiritual journey of being hungry for God and by not neglecting the Spirit, but longing for the Spirit. I have highlighted 1/3 of the book so far and have been enraptured by the book everytime I pull it up. So amazing!

Which brings me to now. What do I want to do now? Our Young Adults leader gave the talk tonight at church about sharing our testimony. Funny thing is, he asked me to give mine in a few weeks to our small group. I'm not a fan of it. I don't feel like I have any "life changing" moments that will rock the house of God. But our leader pointed out that our testimony is just part of God's story; we have little moments that we might think are insignificant, that don't go anywhere, but it's what was in God's plan for us and it helps to edify the body of Christ. Our stories bring us closer to each other and to God. It's really making me think about what to say!

Today after our communion, I prayed that God would use the Holy Spirit to just wipe out the darkness in my life. I pictured dark corners of a house with a blast of light "Kapow-ing" each spot, the darkness running around like a black cartoon slug. Yes I know I dream deep, folks. Anyway, funny enough, I kept praying and asked God "No, not just a shot in the dark, I want LIGHT!" and instantly I remembered parts of the movie "Howl's Moving Castle" where Sophie, a girl transformed by the witch, opens the moving castle/house and is cleaning it. And the light is just EVERYWHERE! Darkness isn't running around because there's no darkness to hide! I could see every corner, every window, every piece of floorboard. THATS what the Holy Spirit's gonna be doing in me, I can feel it. I feel that God is going to reveal some pretty nasty black slugs that just get pushed around by a little spotlight in my house. I want to open myself up more and more and 1000% to God and the Holy Spirit so that He just kicks those slugs out the door. Whoot!

I don't know how often I'll be journaling, but I feel that I need to. I want to write down my story. And I want to share it with anyone that will read. Not just who I want to listen. Who God is sending to listen.