I had this silly girly thought in my head that you would come back here. That you would take this (highly) opportune moment and PURSUE me. That you would show that you still cared for me. I'm not looking for "whatever makes me happy." I am looking for you. I want changes just as much as you...in myself. I am working hard at growing in these different aspects of my life that are twisted with habits that harmed you. I apologize, APOLOGIZE, for not making my apologies better known for the last 2+ years....
I wish you could see what this does to me. My will isn't strong, but I pray it will be today. All I want to do is hear your voice say my name. Remember that crazy thing I liked? You didn't stop saying my name for 5 minutes when I told you that.
I want both of us to change for the better, even if it's not for the ultimate purpose of each other. I don't think, however, that constructive criticism is welcome just yet. Right now we can use what the other says to boost the hurt we feel. I think I used mine last night to fuel my fire of anger that you so easily heard in my voice. Right now is the time for encouragement, but not in that form. Right now, neither of us have a place to say such things. Our lives are as apart as they were on August 17, 2006, sans the knowledge of each other's existence.
As much as I want to open up more, to share more of my thoughts, I have to shower in order to be at work on time. I wish you the best of luck in everything you do. I won't lie and say I'm not praying every second that you will realize all that I've said and call me, fly to me, something. I've heard "let him go" more times than I can count in the last month, yet I'm still having trouble doing it. There's a lot of reasoning - fear, uncertainty, timidness, pain, love. So many emotions tied into this, I can't think straight...
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